That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
i black out too much to be "responsible"
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
