There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
