what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
is wine microwaveable?
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
