My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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