I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
