Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
I forget how to act sober
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