it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Randomize
