If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
