You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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