Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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