guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
