Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
