i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Pants are for mortals
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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