I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
