so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
