I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
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