If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
