you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Randomize
