I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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