Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I am available for nakedness
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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