I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Randomize