Michael Bay diarrhea
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
