I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
