At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
