You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
