I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
