Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
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