Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
