they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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