I just pynch a tree in the face
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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