you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
