my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
It's never too late to be topless.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
