So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
