I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
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