Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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