Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize