i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Semen is not good for contacts.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
