With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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