Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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