There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Randomize
