More tranny stories later!
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
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