you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
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