I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
