Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
