my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
