She said her name was "party"
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
