OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
