i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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