Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Randomize
