he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Randomize
