Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
