Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
