its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
