TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
