If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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