mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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