currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
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I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
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