Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
