didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
