Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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