apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
