I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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