dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
