i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
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you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
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When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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