he was CRYING into my vagina
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
