You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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