i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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