you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
