Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
