Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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